


It's Quiet Uptown

by 500daysofvic



Series: It's Quiet Uptown [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Abduction, Adoption, Alex was a counselor, Hamilton - Freeform, How do I tag?, John is a recovered drug addict, John occasionally has strokes/shakes from previous drug use, Lip is Philips nickname, M/M, Vague i know, alex and john, now he writes for 'The Journal'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-09-24 01:01:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9692735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/500daysofvic/pseuds/500daysofvic
Summary: John and Alex had their share of hardships; abusive parent, no mom and drug addiction for john and dead parents and mental illness struggles for Alex. Yet, somehow they always came through positively together. One without the other was truly a death sentence, just them both against the world.That is, until Philip.John and Alex had never even thought of having kids, Alex worked too much and John was still working through small recoveries from his strokes and drug use.Until Alex brought John along to the new orphanage Eliza works at uptown to interview her and a few kids about how nice the new center was..





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't check this? At all? And to make it worse, I typed the entire thing on iPhone notes so the formatting and capitalizations are all wrong whoops! Enjoy though!

Ch 1 

"Okay some of the kids are a little... skittish? Yeah. You know some of them have had it harder than the others." Eliza stated, quietly fixing the buttons at the top of her dress and scooping her braid over her shoulder preparing for the photo of the orphanage for The Journal. "Eliza, babe, love, angel- stop fidgeting. You look fine and if I have to take more than one picture I'm gonna have to punch you" Alex murmured adjusting the tripod over and over silently cursing whoever made god damned camera equipment so difficult he wasn't a photographer what the fuck. 

"Eliza, maybe while Alex sets up his camera want to go find some kids to be in the picture?" John questions still watching his husband fight the tripod cussing wildly, he couldn't help but break into a toothy grin. Eliza is suddenly snapping in his face "EARTH TO JOHN? You can oogle at your husband later come on" she pulls him inside laughing at the blush creeping across his face and burning his ears, he's suddenly wishing he wore his hair down today instead of braids (a/n honestly? Anthony Ramos in braids: gives me life. Look him up on the Shes Gotta Have It set I cry EVERY TIME) 

Eliza is wandering around with a few kids in tow to bring out to the picture when john spots a small child in the corner, their hair is thick and curly like johns, which he remembers other kids used to be scared of. Its hard to be a kid you know? The child is sitting at a small colorful table scribbling on craft paper by themselves, so john decides to join him and sits on the floor next to the table so he's only a head taller than the child. "Hi" he says with a small smile, the child looks up shyly pulling his pictures close to his chest, his hair falls in his eyes but you can still see the stunning Malachite green through his little brown curls- "H-hi" he almost whispers. 

"My names john.. I like your hair, it's like mine". The child smiles softly and looks up pushing his hair out of his face with his hand still fisted around a crayon  
"R-really? Don't know... your hair small" he says questioningly touching the two braids at the top of johns head. John laughs and undoes one of the braids softly trying not to hurt himself, once undone from its braided prison johns hair poofs instantly and the child can't help but belt out a giggle playing with johns hair now 

"Same! Same hair same hair same hair" the child chants quietly, it's clear he's never met another person with this hair texture john can't help but laugh. "So what's your name my curly haired friend?" John is holding the child up as he stands on johns knee to play with his hair. "M'names lip.. I think. That's what lizard calls me I'm four and a half years olds"  
"That's an interesting name.. is lip short for something?"  
"Mmmmmmmm'dunno. Maybe" john laughs again softly  
"Why you here? Lizard says this is to find a new mommy an daddy? And you too old to have a mommy and a daddy" Lip asked still playing with johns hair, he's focused on a specific curl to pull apart into smaller curls and john felt his heart break a little "uh.. no I don't have a mommy.. and my daddy isn't around anymore, I'm here with lizards friend to write about the new place.. do you like it here?" John pried softly to see if he could have something for the paper 

Lip was quiet a second and john looked up at him to see tears in his little malachite eyes. John pulled him down softly into his lap cradling him like someone would a newborn "lip why are you crying? They don't hurt you do they?" John felt anger bubbling he knows Eliza would never but she isn't the only staff member. Lip rubs his eyes with his little fists "n-no! Lizard a-and peg make sure I stay okay but I-I don't like it here.. I want my mommy.. o-or my daddy.. but before mr. Lee got fired he told me my daddy didn't want me b-because my mommy was a shovel-"  
"A shovel?"  
"Some kinda garden stuff.. I think shovel"  
Oh. Mr. Lee was telling children their mothers are hoes. Great.  
Lip continued tears running down his face "a-and my daddy left me here after my mommy died b-because a new mommy would pick me up soon b-but a new mommy never came". Lips face was buried into my stomach now crying softly and I was just rubbing his back. It hurt deep in my chest how much I relate to him, but he's so much younger than I was.. how long has he been here? I can't let him stay here... 

"John are you in here? We gotta get go-" Alex stopped in the doorway with Eliza, the tripod over his shoulder and smiled fondly at the sight of his husband on the ground with Lip. He put the tripod down quietly and helped John up who had Lip pressed to his shoulder now, asleep. "Ill show you to his room" Eliza whispered. They walked back to a door that said "boys room" with football stickers and sports people on the door, then a small section at Lips height of reptile stickers. John laid Lip on his little bed and pulled the ratty TMNT blanket over him and walked out. 

"So... what did you do?" Eliza asks John sitting in her office with Alex and John, drinking coffee with them quietly.  
"What do you mean? Nothing?"  
"It's just that.. Lip doesn't talk to anyone.. prospective parents, boys and girls here over the age of 9, or even any of the other staff but me and peg.. so how did you do it?"  
"I didn't do anything really.. I seen him alone, and I told him I liked his hair because it's like mine, and he was like no way and I undid the braids and he played with my hair.. that's about it" both Alex and Eliza were smiling at him, then smiled at each other and John got the idea. "No, no way guys. There's no way we're fit to be parents" john said waving his hands dismissing the thought 

"John no one is ever fit to be parents.. it just happens and you click.. and from what I'm hearing you and Philip really clicked" Eliza said crossing her arms.  
"Philip? He just said his name was lip" john questioned, because sometimes he isn't the smartest tool in the shed. Alex just laughed "baby if you really thought that baby's name was Lip I'm leaving you here" almost in tears. Eliza giggled softly "that's my fault..Lip was just a nickname I gave him but kids are like sponges, don't use his first name for a while and it's like he forgot.. philip is his actual name yes" she laughed again and soon john joined too. 

"How about i give you guys a few days to talk it over, and maybe Alex can come back and meet him and you can really tell me you don't want to be parents" Eliza told  them, to which they agreed. Though he'd deny it, this was the day he fell in love with Philip and didn't want to live another day without him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Alex make a decision; Lip is still a nervous lil bean; kids like dirt; kids are cute.

Chapter 2

The car ride home broke Johns heart every mile they drove away from Philip. Around halfway through the ride Alex laced his fingers into Johns softly, making John look up at him "listen.. this isn't gonna be easy" Alex said not taking his eyes off the road   
"Alex I want to fight for him.. I have to.. I see so much of myself in him, so much of you... you have to meet him.. he's our son no matter what anyone will ever tell me I can't leave him there" John felt tears welling in his eyes, as Alex began rubbing small circles on the top of Johns hand with his thumb "we will baby.. tomorrow after I write my article can I meet him?" Johns head snapped up "y-you really want to meet him?"   
"Of course I want to meet him. How else would I fall in love with him like you." Alex laughed softly at the giddiness of his husband as they pulled in the driveway" 

-the next morning- 

John was buzzing out of his skin waiting for Alex to finish his markup of the Journal Article on Eliza's new orphanage. Around 12:30 he finally emerged from his office adjusting a grey cable knit sweater and a pair of distressed jeans ripped at the knees "is this too much? Too little? Should I wear a nicer shirt?" Alex asked fidgeting with with ends of his sweater sleeve, John couldn't help but laugh "baby you're meeting a child, not officiating a wedding. You look great don't be so nervous.." He says wrapping his arms around Alex's waist softly brushing a strand of hair off of his forehead   
"I'm not nervous I just want to make a good first impression" Alex defended crossing his arms   
"A GOOD impression for a 4 year old is an extensive knowledge of bear and the big blue house.."   
"Whatever let's go" Alex wiggles his way out of johns grip and grabs the keys.

-skip to in the orphanage- 

"He's been asking about you all day.. I'm really glad you got him to open up a little, John." Eliza said walking us through the game room area to the backdoor. "Lip really loves the outdoors.. he's gonna want to show you every-" before she even finished John was out the door pushing up his sleeves to help Lip pull whatever he was digging in the mud for. Alex just sighed with a fond smile on his face "I guess I'll have to go help them.." he mumbled as he walked out kneeling next to the dirt mound that Philip has been digging through, he was currently explaining to John how this "dinosaur bone" spent "like a thousand years" in the dirt and now that he found it it has to be sent to the dinosaur doctors to learn about it. When he finally noticed Alex he instantly dropped the rock into Johns hands, dropped his hands into each other and looked down letting his hair fall in his face. 

"Hey.. Lip it's okay this is my friend, Alex. Can you say hi to my friend for me? You'll make him sad if you don't.." John pressed Lip forward a little , and he looked up a little to watch Alex through his hair "h..hi... I'm Lip.. who you?"   
"I'm Alex, it's very nice to meet you Lip, John told me a lot about you"   
"Is John your best friend?"   
"I guess you could say that..."   
"Oh! Ooh! Is John your? Bed friend?" Lip says tapping his dirty finger to his face trying to remember the word "my mommy says boys and boys and girls and girls can be bed friends." John and Alex both couldn't help but burst into laughter at his analysis   
"Yes John is my bed friend.. we're married." Alex said smiling sliding his hand into Johns. Lip squealed excitedly "WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!" He ran into the shed a few yards away and came back with a crayon box and popped it open. There were tons of rocks, from geodes to opals to just plain old smooth pebbles "when two penguins get married the boy gives a rock to the girl and I want your rock to be a special one" Lip was beaming sharing his knowledge of penguins looking through his rocks quietly. 

Johns eyes were so warm and full of pride as he said "Lip, why don't you pick our rock for us?"   
After a few minutes of consideration Lip handed them a white rock with red reflective flecks in it that looked oddly like glitter? "I added the sparkles myself" Lip added as they examined it. John and Alex looked at the rock then looked at each other and pulled Lip into a tight hug "thank you Lip it's very pretty" Alex said   
"And it's even better because you made it pretty" john finished. Lip just laughed and hugged back. The sun was starting to set so Alex stood up and helped John up and started walking back with Lip, somewhere during the walk Lip slid his hands in both of theirs 

While Peggy had taken Lip to get a bath seeing as he was covered head to toe in dirt, Eliza and Alex were idly chatting in her office while John seemingly stared off into space; suddenly he interjected "I want to adopt Philip". Eliza and Alex both turned to him stunned   
"Really?" Alex questioned softly   
"John children are a lot to handle.. Lip has been through things, there would be nightmares and tuck ins and prodding questions.. do you really think you're ready?" Eliza asked putting her hand over Johns softly   
"You know, i NEVER SEEN myself as having kids... but you don't understand.. I am paternally in love with Lip.. and so is Alex.. he's so smart, and imaginative.. and I see so much of us in him.. he's our son Eliza. We were meant to meet." Alex wipes a tear off of johns cheek he didn't realize had fallen. "We'd like to talk to him first... make sure it's okay with him.. having two daddy's is new and sometimes confusing and he deserves to decide" Alex adds quietly, as Eliza just nods. Peggy walks in with Lip on her hip, he's clearly cleaner now, dressed in some ratty TMNT pajamas and socks, but one main difference was his hair pulled into a tight bun on his head, his face hidden in Peggy's shoulder. John and Alex had never seen Lip's hair out of his face and up and from what they could see only made him 100% cuter, the little bun was possibly the cutest they've ever seen. "Lip wants John and Alex to tuck him in tonight, right Lippy?" Peggy asks, jostling him on her hip softly, he just nods his head into her shoulder. John stood and took Lip from Peggy softly, lip instantly locked onto Johns side burying his face again and wrapping his little arms around Johns neck. Alex followed them both to Lips room, which was vacant because the older boys don't have to go to bed until later. John laid Lip into his bed softly and sat next to the bed, pulling his blanket up over him softly. "So... lip.. me and John have been talking..." Alex started, resting a hand on lips head   
"We.. I.. We wanted to know if you'd like for us to be your new daddies..?"   
Lip looked at Alex for a second, then back at john. "No mommy?"   
Johns smile faltered a little and his stomach began to flip. "Well.. no, no mommy. But we can do mommy stuff, I can kiss boo boos and Alex can make sandwhiches and cut your crusts off" john began to ramble hoping Lip would accept them sans - mommy anyway; lip just giggled as his talking got faster and faster "shhh! Jahn jaaaaaahn- it's okay. I gotta mommy. Right here" he says pointing to his heart "but I want you guys to be my daddies!" Lip finishes throwing one arm around Alex's neck and the other around johns as they both embrace him


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Alex play barbies and Legos; bad news; Eliza that was mean; upset john; court; YES judge barba is ADA Barba from Law and Order SVU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how to write a 4 year old but I love to try and I love describing children's clothes whoops so pure.

Chapter 3 

Days passed between when John and Alex turned in their application to adopt Philip. 

They went back to visit him everyday waiting for approval, just connecting and becoming closer. 

The fourth day of waiting John and Alex are sitting with Philip playing with Legos and barbies just laughing and smiling as John pretended to be a dragon breaking into barbies Lego kingdom. Lip's giggle rips through the silence of the room when Eliza walks in quietly "John.. Alex.. I need to talk to you guys in my office.." she mumbles, rubbing the back of her neck. John and Alex just look at each other and get up "we'll be right back baby" john tells Philip as they walk out and peg takes their place in the play room 

\------------------—

"W-what do you mean?" John was crushing Alex's hand in his trying not to shake wildly, alex didn't mind. "The judge is blocking the adoption.. the letter just says he doesn't see how an ex drug addict could properly care for a child" Eliza explained for the third time. Alex was more angry than anything, anyone who looked at john would know he isn't just an ex addict, he's a recovered addict, and if the judge could just see how john and lip interacted. "What if we protest? We prove to the judge that John is the perfect parent?"   
"Alex it's not that easy" Eliza sighed   
"Why? Why can't it be?"   
"Because you know and I know how hard it is to prove that drug addicts can change and he's relapsed once what's stopping him now." Eliza couldn't stop herself before the words left her mouth, instantly her eyes were wide and forgiving. "John please I didn't mean that I-" before she could finish John was out of her office wiping his eyes with the palms of his hands, he wasn't like that anymore, people change, people change. He sat down in a quiet hallway pulling a thread on his sweater sleeve softly, a tear or two still rolling down his cheek when he feels a soft poke to his shoulder. He looks up and finds Lip standing there silently, before John can say something Lip just crawls onto johns lap and wraps his little arms around his waist, john brings his shaking hands around Philip protectively "What happen?" Lip asks looking up to john. John sighs and wipes his eyes before starting, "a long time ago, I was bad.. and I did bad things, but I'm good now, I'm a good person.. b-but the m-man who would let us take you home said if I was once b-bad I'll always be bad.. s-so we can't ta-take you home yet.." john was crying harder now, before he could wipe his tears Phillips little hand came up and clumsily smacked the tears away like four year olds only know how to do and john couldn't help but laugh and lean into his little hand "you're not bad.. you're good.. I know. I can wait for you to be my daddy, it won't take long" Philip says smacking a few more tears to the side. "You know, for a four and a half year old youre pretty smart" john laughs again and leans down to wipe his face on Phillips shirt making him scream a giggle pushing johns head up when all of a sudden Eliza and Alex appear from nowhere "god john I'm so sorry please I didn't mean anything by it I-"   
"Eliza it's okay really.. I get it.. it's hard to trust me but I've done the rehab and I've done the classes and all of that.. and this is different this is.. this is love" Philip cuddles more into johns lap at the mention of love smiling brightly and eventually giggling and screaming again making john smile down at him. 

\-----------------------—

Once back home for the night John was laying face down in bed oddly silent for John, Alex slides into bed next to him and quietly wraps an arm around him cuddling into him resting his head on top of johns "talk to me baby.."   
john scoots closer to him and turns until he's facing him, tear tracks down his face, eyes red and slightly swollen, and just sighs "we don't have the money for the adoption fees, let alone court costs, and I'm dragging you through all of this when I really know you don't want kids and-" Alex cut him off by pressing a finger to his mouth "John Laurens god damn it listen to me. Eliza already talked about waving the adoption fees, court costs are nothing, and god damn it again I fucking love that kid as if I gave birth to him myself.. and the connection you two have is like you fucking gave birth to him. I don't think I could imagine my life without a lizard story every night anymore so we're gonna do whatever we have to do to bring him home". by the end of his speech john was crying again, and just presses his face into Alex's chest nodding, Alex reflexively wraps his arms around john tightly "I love you baby.." he feels john mumble I love you back and he just smiles rubbing circles onto johns back. 

\------------------—

A week later John and Alex silently prepared to head to court, where they'd fight for their son. John hasn't stopped crying since he woke up; not active sobs, just occasional tears rolling down his cheeks. Maybe this was a bad idea, getting close to Lip, fighting for him, embarrassing himself in front of a judge who will only see his past and none of the good things he's done since he's been clean, then god the pain of not getting Lip and leaving him at the orphanage for him to unpack the two little bags he packed to come ho- "I can hear you thinking... talk to me baby." Alex mumbled into johns neck breaking his thought process as he wrapped his arms around his waist, john just sighs and leans his head onto Alex's "I just... I really want this to work out"   
"And it will work out.. John no one can love Lip as much as you and we're gonna show the judge that"   
John just sighs and pulls away from Alex grabbing the car keys 

\-------------—

"So... let's get this started everyone, I am Judge Barba and we're here to decide if Mr. John Laurens and Mr. Alexander Hamilton are fit parents to a one Philip Swanson. Gentlemen please bring forth your case" the judge adjusted himself in his chair and leaned forward. Alex spoke first  
"sir my husband and I are ready to become parents, it's something we've wanted for a long time, and john has been clean for the last 6 years, no relapse, constant therapy and group sobriety meetings, theres no one else I can think to be a leading role model for Philip"   
"That's all well and good mr. Hamilton but mr. Laurens HAS relapsed once already"   
"Yes but that was 6 years ago! He's been so much better!" John just looked away seeing who was in the room on their side, laf and Herc sat together, then Peggy and Angelica sat together. Eliza was on the other side of the room with a CPS worker who was holding Philip on her lap as he played with a rock, he couldn't help but smile softly at him until he was snapped back into reality by the judge clearing his throat "mr. Laurens do you hear me? I'll ask again- how can you better philips life as his parental role model?"   
John thought for a moment before speaking "Judge Barba, Philip and I have had a similar upbringing.. my mother died when I was young, and my father left me to fend for myself because he had better things to do than care for his son, and Philip has been in the same situation since his father dropped him off at the Uptown Orphanage last year, and me having to deal with that on my own is what led me to drugs, and I know if Alex and I can care for Philip like the loving parents he needs everything will be fine" by time john has finished he's shaking holding in sobs softly, he barely hears Philips little scream of "WAIT!" As he busts through the gates dividing the judge and the audience and throws himself onto johns lap climbing up to wipe his eyes "no crying Jahn, you did good!" Philip laughs still wiping johns eyes. John just smiles and looks up at Philip, he is in shorts and a cute child size blazer, and a pair of high top converse; his hair is pulled into a tight frizzy ponytail, his eyes are more of a forest green today, darker than his usual malachite color. John just smiles as he gets up and shyly walks to the end of the table Alex and john are both sitting at and looks up to the judge "s-sir? C-can I give you a piture?" Philip almost whispers, shakily pulling a folded up piece of paper from his little blazer pocket, the judge just nods for the CPS worker to pick Philip up. Once at his level Philip lays down a crudely drawn picture of what seems to be three potatoes with faces and a lot of circles around them. "And what is this Philip?" The judge asks   
"Well.. this one is Jahn, and that one is Al and I'm the little one.. this was when I had a bad day.. it was the day my mommy left me and I was really sad so elizard let me go out and play in the dirt alone because me and my mommy would find rocks together.. but Jahn and Al came and made me feel better and they listened to me talk about rocks and found rocks with me and that was the day I decided I wanted Jahn and Al to be my daddies.. so now I gotta live with them" Philip finally paused for a breath then stage whispered to Judge Barba "I also am kinda mad you made Jahn cry so can you say sorry? Jahn says sorry is important"   
Judge Barba, for the first time all afternoon, smiled brightly to the boy and nodded "thank you Philip I think I made my decision.. I grant full and disclosed custody to John Laurens-Hamilton and Alexander Hamilton on behalf of Philip Swanson, who from here on will be Philip Laurens-Hamilton" the judge finished by banging his gavel and standing, John, Alex, Laf, herc and all three of the Schuyler sisters instantly stood up screaming and jumping excitedly as the CPS worker handed Philip to Alex as they all formed a giant group hug around the three of them. Philip was just laughing and it rang like a bell in everyone's ears, today was truly the best day of johns life.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A party; a friend; kids inturrupt adult things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a problem keeping a schedule for anything ever and when I finish a chapter I can't wait to upload it so here we are.

Chapter 4 

After winning custody of Philip the obvious next move was to have a party celebrating Philips adoption with a surprise party. 

It was April 4th, the day Philip was adopted and the year their family was complete. All of John and Alex's friends left the court instantly while john and Alex finished some paperwork to finalize the adoption. 

John has Philip over his shoulder, they're all laughing as Philip kicks his feet wildly. Alex swings the door open and everyone jumps out screaming "SUPRISE!" Eliza is holding one end of a banner that says "welcome home, Lip!" As laf holds the other end. John puts Lip down softly and he instantly hides behind Johns leg.  
"You guys! You didn't have to do this!" Alex is smiling widely going around and hugging each of his friends, even Aaron, his co-worker and his daughter, Thea made it to the party. John picks up Philip softly and he instantly buries his face into johns shoulder "baby are you okay? Do you want to meet my friends?" John nudges him softly, lip looks up and nods "only if they're nice..."  
Laf practically runs up to john with Herc closely in tow "bonjor petit ami! I am your uncle Laf!" Lip looks up when he starts talking and turns his head curiously "you talk funny! I like funny!" Philip is giggling again any anxiety he had melting away at Lafs accent. He reaches over and plays with the curly ponytail on top of lafs head "we match" he giggles patting the curly poof on top of his head with his other hand. "Oui, we are how you say- hair twins!" Laf bounces clapping his hands making Philip scream a giggle again. He wiggles out of johns arms into Lafs and is now rubbing hercs shorter hair and commenting on how big he is while John goes to find Alex. 

\-------------------—

A few hours into the party Lip is on the floor playing with some new Legos Uncle Laffy and Uncle Herc bought him when a little darker complexion girl in a poofy purple dress walks up. Her natural hair is up in two poofs on the side of her head and she smiles at him softly.  
"Can I play?"  
Lip just nods and pushes some Legos in her direction; she sits cross legged next to him and starts connecting some Legos  
"My names Thea.. what's yours?"  
"Lip"  
"My daddy said your daddies just brought you home today?"  
"Yeah my daddy's had to go tell someone that I had to live with them, so now I'm here and all these people want to be my friend now"  
"I don't have any friends..."  
"Well... I'm your friend now Thea!" Lip giggled and hugged Thea laughing and she hugged back  
"We're gonna be friends forever right?!" Thea asked taking Philips face in her hands. "Of course! Why wouldn't we be now?" Philip laughs and takes Thea's face in his hands. They're both a giggling mess when Aaron picks Thea up softly "time to go baby girl!"  
"DAAAAAAAD! NOooooOooooo! What about Lip!?" She's kicking her feet tears forming in her little eyes  
"Thea I live here now! I be here forever now!" Lip says grabbing Thea's foot to stop her from kicking.  
"You promise?!"  
"Pinky promise!" Lip says connecting his and Thea's pinkies softly.  
"Well Aaron it seems a play date is in order for our kids!" Alex says slapping Aaron's back playfully, as Aaron just sighs deeply. 

\------------------— 

Once everyone had said their goodbyes John and Alex were quietly cleaning up some wrapping paper as Lip continues to play with his trusty Barbie doll and her Lego castle when he looks up and quietly says "I didn't deserve any of this.." both  
Alex and Johns heads pop up and turn to him "what do you mean baby?" Alex asks. Philip sniffs softly flattening Barbies hair against her plastic body "y-your friends bought me all this stuff.. a-and they not needta do that.. Trixie a-and my Legos was good.. don't want people to feel bad for me!!" john and Alex look at each other and sit next to Lip. "Lippy, our friends wanted to buy these things for you, because they love you.. not because they feel bad" John coos softly pulling Lip onto his lap "yeah baby.. they love you, we love you.. anything we do is out of love" Alex adds rubbing lips back lovingly. Lip sniffs pushing his baby hairs that fell out of his ponytail during the day out of his face "I love everyone too.. I'm sorry I just...." he shrugs wiping his face on johns shirt  
"How about we bring you up to your room and get ready for bed? You haven't even seen your room yet!" John says excitedly standing up and shifting Lip to his hip, lip just nods excitedly and rests his head on johns shoulder as they head up stairs with Alex. 

Alex opens the door to Lip's room and hears Lips tiny gasp makes him smile widely "that alllll for me?" lip asks Alex quietly. It wasn't much, a fairly small room painted a marble mix of greens and blues with a small bed for kids with new TMNT sheets and comforter and a lizard stuffed animal on the bed. There was a bookshelf loaded with reptile, night time, and general kid books on it. Then in the corner was a toychest they loaded all the toys their friends bought him today. "Yeah baby this is all yours... it's not much" Alex says taking Lip from John and setting him down to explore. Lip is instantly looking through all the books on the shelf then throws himself on the bed clutching the stuffed lizard. His scales were made of sequins so Lip decided his name was Pokey. After a quick bath and fresh pajamas Lip was fast asleep in his bed, his own bed. 

\---------------------—

John and Alex are laying in bed Alex's arm lazily thrown around John, just talking. "Wow I can't believe we were parents... one day down Am I right?" Alex whispered softly laughing. "I can't believe everything worked out for us..." john said still reeling from today and how amazing it's been in general. Alex just laughs and kisses him softly and john kisses back leaning onto him, and after a few minutes it's pretty heated as johns hands are in Alex's pajama pants working his wa- 

"Daddy?"  
John and Alex pull apart like two negative ends of a magnet and sit up Alex's hair disheveled "what's wrong baby?" John asks waving for lip to come closer. Lip climbs up on the bed and leans on Alex "had a bad dream... don't wanna sleep alone tonight" Lip says yawning "okay baby let me and daddy get ready for bed." 

Alex and John are cleaning up in their connected bathroom quietly, john is washing his hands as Alex brushes his teeth, "john he can't sleep with us every night.." Alex said through the toothpaste in his mouth "Alex I know that but he had a bad dream, and he's used to sleeping in a room with people not on his own. How could you say no to that face?" John says smiling softly "okay then this is the last time. Tomorrow he's gotta sleep on his own" Alex says rinsing his toothbrush off. When they walk back in their room Lip is clutching Pokey snoring softly spread across the bed. John and Alex can't help but smile and slide into bed pushing Lip into the middle of them. John just sighs as they both drift off into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, and the next chapter are mostly just filler of fluff? Yenno the calm before the emotional shit storm I have planned ahah.
> 
> Notes: Trixie is his barbies name
> 
> Pokey is a name of Johns stuffed turtle in a fic by One_golden_sun and I just love that name now ? FOR stuffed animals obviously. 
> 
> i go back and forth between Lip and Philip because I can 
> 
> Philodosia Am I right?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's really just a cute filler until the last paragraph; beauty and the beast and the teacup; park date.

Chapter 5.

-two years later- 

Lip is six years old now, and is the epitome of a perfect kid. It's the end of his year in kindergarten and he is the perfect student. He can name all the colors, spell his first name and spell Laurens, because let's be honest Hamilton is harder to learn for a kindergartener. He can also count to one hundred, and write the alphabet upper and lower case; He's so smart, it's all john and Alex will talk about to their friends. Pokey still goes everywhere with Lip, usually hidden in the front pocket of his turtle shell backpack so the older kids won't be mean to him or pokey. 

John continued to work as a painter but it didn't really bring any money in, so he went back to his job at the aquarium downtown. He led the stingray encounter and shadowed taking care of the turtles. Since Philip became their son he's stopped going to group and individual therapy, and still hasn't relapsed, just focuses on his family. 

Alex continues to write for The Journal, and has moved up to editor. He has longer hours and it's more work but Alex makes sure to never miss a dinner with his husband and son, or never miss something remotely important like teacher meet and greets or open house. He's gonna be there like his father never was.

It's like any other Tuesday for the Laurens-Hamilton family. John is collecting some things from the fridge for dinner humming some song from the radio, while Alex sits at the kitchen island on his laptop watching him. Lip has after school music classes where he is learning the piano, but should be dropped off any minute by Peggy. Alex looks up from his laptop and out of nowhere says "maybe we should adopt another kid". John looks up at him like he's crazy "really? You want another kid?"  
"Yeah why not? Maybe a girl.. yenno, one of each" john can't help but smile at this and kiss Alex softly "that sounds amazing.. I've always wanted a big family.." Just as they were ending their conversation Lip bursts in the house screaming "I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT!!!" Waving a pink flyer in his little hand. Alex picks him up and sits him on the counter in front of his laptop "what did you get baby?"  
"IM IN THE KINDERGARTEN PLAY DADDY! IM IN THE PLAY!" Lip is still screaming, they haven't worked on inside voices much yet  
"That's great babe! What are you playing?!" John asks bouncing up and down excitedly  
"IM GONNA BE THE TEACUP IN BEAUTY AND THE BEAST!!"  
"My son is going to be a star" john says dramatically wiping his eyes. Lip just laughs and shoves his hands away from his face "Papi stop i AM NOT im JUST a teacup" he said in between laughs.  
"Well everyone will be there! Well call uncle laf and uncle herc and aunt Peggy, Angelica and Eliza.. they'll all be there to support you!"  
"Mijo were so proud of you! You're not scared?" Alex asked squeezing lip tightly in a hug  
"No not anymore! I'm excited... I'm gonna be the best teacup!" Lip says proudly 

\----------------—

The night for Lips acting debut was a wild one in fact. John cried when Lip came out in his Chip costume, lip told him to suck it up. Alex took 403 pictures of him by 402 Lip was ready to go, because his call time was 3:30 and it was 2:00 and he would not stand to be late, even if the school was a ten minute walk. By 3:20 Philip was already in the back of the little makeshift stage in the cafeteria and john and Alex were sitting with Laf, Herc, Eliza, Peggy and Angelica. "I'm so nervous.. what if he forgets his lines?" Alex said nervously tapping his foot  
"Alexander he says a total of 8 words! "A girl in the castle mama!" And "but I'm not tired.." and that's it! They aren't even doing the end of the play because it's too adult" Angelica says rolling her eyes "parenthood has weakened you Alexander you'd be making fun of this if you didn't have Philip and we're dragged here by one of us" Peggy adds nodding along with Eliza. Alex just rolls his eyes "okay well anyone else have a son to obsess over? No? Shut the fuck up and give me my moment as a doting mother" he snaps setting up his camera to record the performance. The lights flick twice to show that the performance is about to begin. Alex jumps excitedly in his seat as the lights go off and the performance begins- 

\---------------------—

Afterwards, Everyone was waiting for Lip to come out after the play, John was holding pokey who had to come see the performance, and Alex has flowers for a good performance. One of the last kids out was Lip who ran straight into Alex and johns arms "how was I!? How was I?!" He asked smiling brightly. There was a chorus of 'amazing's and 'so good's from their friends. "you did so good baby! My little actor." John says holding Lip and Alex rubbing his back happily.  
"Papi, maybe because I was so good in the play tomorrow can all three of us go to the park?" John looks at Alex who just nods "the park sounds great mijo.. tomorrow it is!" Alex says happily and Lip just laughs and smiles hugging them both tightly 

\-----------------------—

Tomorrow was a Saturday, so obviously Alex and John planned to sleep in and have a classic lazy day- until Philip remembered it was park day  
Philip came running in and jumped on John and Alex's bed bouncing "WAKE UP DADS! WAKE UP! ITS PARK DAY!" John rolled over and groaned shaking Alex "wake up asshole, you told him we would go to the park today"  
"Asshole? What is an asshole?" Lip says tilting his head questioningly. Alex's eyes fly open to the sound of his 6 year old saying asshole. "Philip James I will cancel this park trip so fast your children will feel it if you say that word one more time!" Lip buttoned up at the mention of not going to the park. Alex rolled over and checked his alarm clock, seeing it's 10:30 already. "Sleeping in was nice while it lasted.. how about some breakfast than we can head to the park?" John says getting up and picking Lip up, slinging him to his hip. Lip just nods enthusiastically. He looks back to the bed to see Alex still in bed "daddy get up! It's time for breakfast!" Lip yells reaching down and pulling Alex's hand, who just groans and gets up following them both to the kitchen. 

John sets Lip down on the counter where he sits criss-cross applesauce and Alex sits on a barstool in front of him as john is starting breakfast for them all.  
"Daddy.. can we go to battery park today?" Lip asks, pouting his lip out making puppy eyes  
"I don't think so today baby.. battery park is far and maybe we could just go to Central Park.. it's right outside. Next week we can go to battery!" Alex says rubbing lips leg softly he sighs dramatically and lays across the kitchen island  
"Iiiiiiiiii guesssssssssssss daddy.. but Central Park is so.... BOOOOOOOORING!"  
"Philip James... we don't have to go to the park at all" Alex chides him and lip instantly sits up straight folding his hands "no daddy no! Imma good boy. Central Park today, battery park next week!" Lip nods his head dutifully. Alex just smiles and kisses his head, moving him to the barstool next to him as john puts down two plates of blueberry waffles, Lips favorite. Lip just digs in without saying a word. 

\-------------------—

After breakfast is all finished and cleaned up, john is pulling a green zip up jacket onto Lip, because it's October and there's a slight chill in the air. Other than that, Lip is in a green button up, pair of little jeans with the ankles rolled up, and white little kid Vans, and his hair is in two thick braids today, just to keep it out of his face for once. John picks him up and Alex grabs the bag with their lunch and some water bottles and Lips pencil box for his favorite rocks. Pokey is secure in Lips arms as they walk up the block to the playground. 

\-------------— 

An hour into their playground trip lip is hanging off of johns lap on a park bench while Alex is taking pictures of both of them as they smile and laugh, lip comes up and plants a sloppy kiss on johns cheek that Alex catches in a picture. (The park isn't crowded for once, maybe ten kids playing and parents just hovering around them due to the kinda grimy grey day, but lip doesn't mind, he'd always say how he hated the sun anyway.) Lip jumps down and walks to the big dirt mound a few yards away to look for new rocks when Alex's phone starts to ring, he sighs and stands up, "work, gotta take this" he says pressing the phone to his ear and turning and walking away from the noise. As he stands up he knocks over the bag and john sighs kneeling down to pick up Lips rock collection that fell all over the ground, his back to where Lip was standing. 

When he finally got up and turned back to the dirt mound, Lip was gone...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY 
> 
> John-Papi  
> Alex-daddy (not that it matters much anymore)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Missing; I really like Law and Order:SVU; new life, new home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: use of the word "fag" as a slur- it's just very small in one section.

Chapter 6- 

"Lip..?" John was running to the dirt mound  
"Philip!? Where are you?" He looked near the jungle gym, the slide and the swings  
"Alexander call 911 Philip is gone!!" John is panicking now, he can feel his chest tightening and he can't breathe Alex runs over his phone already pressed to his ear "what the fuck happened!?"  
"I-I don't k-know I dropped his rocks and when I looked up he was gone!!" John drops his head between his knees trying to steady his breathing 

\----------------—  
Ten minutes later there are cops all over Central Park, John and Alex are still on the bench where they started the day with their son. John is hyperventilating breathing into a paper bag and Alex is staring off into space absentmindedly rubbing johns back when an older woman in all black, with short brown hair and brown soft eyes walks up and sits next to them. "Hi.. I'm detective Benson, and this is my partner Finn" she says motioning to the bigger male who walked up with her, he is darker complected and seems angry. John doesn't even look up at them just still focused on breathing and not vomiting "sweetheart, can you focus on breathing for me? You not being able to breathe isn't gonna help us... follow my breathing" detective Benson said softly, placing a hand on johns back and breathing with him until he could properly breathe and function. "Good.. that's good.. now what was Philip wearing today? Do you have any pictures?" Alex starts digging through his phone, showing Finn the pictures from earlier while john describes him to Benson "h-he had a bottle green jacket on today.. some light jeans and white v-vans.. his hair was in two boxer braids, t-those were his favorite.. and he should h-have a sequin lizard with him, n-named pokey..."  
detective Benson just smiles "that's great.. he sounds very taken care of right?" She's just trying to keep john calm while her officers sweep the park looking for him, he couldn't have gotten far on foot and she didn't like to throw the 'K' word around a lot, it stresses other parents out. 

\---------------------— 

6 hours later John and Alex were sitting in the NYPD office, alone, while officers buzzed around them sending out APBs, and Amber Alerts, and descriptions of some cars that were out of place at the park, but no one had actually physically seen someone come up, and grab Philip, everyone was too busy with their own kids. John was shaking wildly and he was starting to panic more than before. It's been 6 hours, six. Hours. He wouldn't let anyone touch him, he wouldn't let himself be calmed down again, he has the right as a parent to panic. His son is gone. Alex breaks his train of thought "John this is all my fault..." Johns head snaps up to look at Alex and sees a broken shell of Alex, tears are rolling down his face "I should've just taken him to battery park... he wanted to go to battery and I was too lazy and now our son is missing.." he's sobbing now, and john has no idea what to do.. he just wraps his arms tightly around Alex and let's him cry into his chest. 

\----------------— 

Another hour passes until anyone talks to them again. This time it's an older man with grey and black hair pushed back neatly in a button down and vest. "Hello, im detective Carisi, Benson and I'd like to ask you a few more questions..." John and Alex pull apart and just nod  
"Is there anyone who'd want to hurt you or Philip?" Benson asks softly putting a hand on Alex's knee.  
"No? We never introduced Philip to negative people, he has an anxiety disorder that makes him very nervous and people with negative feelings made it worse.." Alex answered and Benson just nods her head. She asks a few more questions then tells them they should go home and rest. It's been a long night.. once they get home they don't even go in their room, they both fall asleep on the floor in Lips room that night.. 

\------------------—  
Flashback to earlier in Lips POV 

The dirt mound in Central Park wasn't as fun as the one in battery park but daddy said next time we can go to battery park. At first I can't find one nice rock in the dirt and my favorite shoes are becoming brown I don't like it. a big man is walking towards me? He looks funny. It's not cold time but he has a snow hat on and a long jacket? I clutch Pokey a little tighter "Hey kid... your dad sent me to pick you up he said your mommy is hurt" he says, he has a deep scratchy voice. I back up a little "m-my daddy is over there with my Papi, i don't have a mommy.." I whisper bringing my hands up to my face to hide behind pokey, maybe he'll go away...?  
"No your real daddy.. not the two fags who took you from him" the man sneers. Fag? I don't know this word.. "m-my real daddy?" I mumble and the guy just nods his head picking me up. "Wait I gotta say goodbye to daddy and Papi!" I say trying to wiggle out of his arms, but he covers my mouth and suddenly I'm in a van? Where's my car seat? Papi would be so mad, he hates when I don't sit in the car seat... 

I feel like I've been in the car for days.. I really gotta pee.. but the car is finally stopping!! Maybe I'm home! I miss Papi and daddy so much. The big man opens the door and pulls me out, were by a lot of trees? I don't see anything but trees and a little yellow house, it's very cute. "Are you ready to meet your new mommy?" The big man asks holding my hand tightly as we walk up to the house, an older lady walks out her long blonde hair is up in a bun and she's in a long flower pattern dress, she kneels down so she can see my face and smiles "hello darling... and what's your name?" She asks softly, she smells like flowers and is very pretty. "M'names Philip Laurens-Hamilton.. my Papi calls me Lip." I whisper still clutching pokey.  
"Well, My name is Maryanne, I'm your mommy now okay.. and your name is gonna be Philip Gallagher."  
I scrunch my nose at the name.. I can't even spell Hamilton let alone gah- gal? Whatever she just said.. she pulls me into the yellow house and shows me around, finally bringing me to a boys room.. it's got footballs and soccer stickers all over it and toys but no books, and none of my books "I don't like sports.. I like lizards. And books.. I don't like this.. can I go home?" She smacks my little face. Instantly I have tears in my eyes holding pokey to my cheek, his cold scales make it sting less "little boys should not want to read! You should like sports! Little boys don't cry! And little boys will not be unthankful! You'll sit in here and think about how to be a good boy." She closes the door and when I try to open it it's locked.. i just lay on the bed and hug pokey tightly crying quietly so Maryanne won't hear me 

\------------------------—

Three days later. 

There are posters everywhere, pictures of Lip with his hair up, down, and in braids. Colored posters, black and white copies, hundreds of different pictures. Alex and John are out early every morning, and in late every night. John cries himself to sleep every night in Lips room, Alex is the strong one, until john falls asleep at night..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapters format is gonna be a lot of timeskipping, and a wierd format but I like it? Whatever. 
> 
> Follow me?:  
> http://365daysofvictoria.tumblr.com
> 
> Twitter: @365daysofvic


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1 year; 5 years; 10 years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This accidentally became a very long filler chapter but I really like what I did with it.

Chapter 7 

-one year later- 

Alex and John spend every weekend for the first year of Lip being missing looking for him. They went through every state in the tri-state area, all of New York, all of New Jersey, even Pennsylvania. It was no use. Detective Benson officially labeled their case a cold case on October 28th, a year and twenty days after he went missing, It was also johns birthday. Most days john didn't get out of bed, calling out of work, but going to work just enough not to get fired. Alex still worked as the editor of the paper, but Aaron had taken over as editor in chief and Alex acted as a vice editor. When he wasn't working on the paper he was working on something to try and find Philip, checking the found children's database, updating what philips size and weight could be now. 

\-------------------------—  
Philips 3rd PERSON POV 

Philip was now 7, and had very small memories of John and Alex. He knew his Papi had the same hair as him, and his daddy was small, and liked to write. Any memories he had of John and Alex he sloppily wrote down so he wouldn't forget. He has a blurry picture of John and Alex, it was in a locket that was on Pokeys collar. When he fell out of ms. Maryanne's oak tree, the locket broke open. He hadn't know it was there, Alex and john must've put it there when they gave Lip pokey. 

Ms. Maryanne wasn't mean to him, unless he was bad he'd get the paddle, but ms. Maryanne said all bad boys get a paddle. Ms. Maryanne also told Philip that GOOD boys don't have girl hair, so now Lips hair is shaved on the sides and just a tuff of bouncy curls on the top. The night she cut his hair he cried in bed because it was the only thing that he shared with his Papi. 

Lip was still so smart. He wasn't aloud to read books, but when ms. Maryanne let him play with the boy at the next farm over he'd read their books, not that they had many either. When it was time for ms. Maryanne to enroll him in school he skipped the 1st grade and went right into 2nd. 

-5 years since he's been missing-

A month after the 5 year anniversary of Lip disappearing Alex woke john up to go looking like they did every weekend.  
"I'm not going.." john mumbled from the pillow he buried his head in  
"What the fuck do you mean you're not coming? Get up john today could be the day!" Alex said trying to remain strong, forcing a smile on his face  
"Alex you've said that for the last 5 years were not gonna find him! He's gone! He's gone!" John is sitting up now tears streaming down his face  
"What the fuck?! John we need to go stop being fucking selfish! he needs us!" Alex screams back  
"He doesn't need us! He isn't here, or there! Or anywhere! Alex face facts!"  
"I can't believe you're saying this. I can't believe you're giving up..."  
"I'm not giving up, I'll never give up. But we're not gonna find him." John finishes by just laying back down and wrapping the blanket around himself. 

John eventually quit his job and just lays in bed, alone. Day in and day out, he sleeps, or cries, he doesn't get up to eat. Alex comes home for lunch and make sure he eats and then goes back to work at The Journal. 

\----------------------—

Philip was now 12, in middle school, 8th grade. He was the youngest in his class because he skipped 2nd grade. He was an A honor-roll student and played lacrosse on the middle school team, and was gearing up to be the first freshman on the varsity lacrosse team of the towns High-school team. Philip shot up the summer of 7th grade going into 8th grade, now sitting at 5"6' and only more growing to do. Ms. Maryanne still had his hair cut the same way, faded on the sides and longer on the top, where his curls were dominating. He was at that awkward lanky age, so his arms and legs were too long for his body. For the most part, he was a happy kid. But he always felt like something was missing, he vaguely remembers his parents l from before they abandoned him and ms. Maryanne saved him. He had two dads, john and Alex. John had hair like him, and Alex was smart like him. But they didn't want him**. He doesn't even remember his original last name. He's as he's always been, Philip Gallagher. 

-10 years since he's been missing- 

John does not speak. He lays in bed and watches tv, or stares at the ceiling. From 7am-3pm a nurse comes in and cares for him, her name is Nina. Nina says that some days john will talk to her, tell her what he hopes Philip is now, that he's in school working hard, and that he's happy. Nina writes it down for Alex everyday. Some days the paper is blank- those days are worse than others. But it doesn't matter because from 3pm and on when Alex has to take care of john he doesn't say a word. He becomes catatonic and does nothing. Alex feeds him, makes sure he showers, and just holds him when it's time for bed. John and Alex don't really sleep anymore. 

"Maybe we should bring him to therapy.. I could drive him during the day" Eliza tells Alex one day while john was napping, They were having a cup of coffee in the kitchen  
"Eliza he doesn't leave the house. Everything reminds him of Philip.. I couldn't do that to him."  
"OKAY.. but look at him Alex, he's so sick and depressed.. he's almost fully mute. He barely talks to me anymore- and he never talks to you."  
Alex sighs before taking a sip of his coffee "he says I remind him of Philip too much.. how does he not realize that somehow Philip is the spitting imagine of him without even sharing any genetic makeup of him"  
Eliza just rolls her eyes and sips her coffee. "Weren't you guys gonna adopt again? What happened to that?"  
"We we're gonna before Lip.. you know.. but with john in this state, and me having to work and take care of john it just... it doesn't work. And I don't think I could go through this again.." Eliza just nods and rubs his back. It's been a year since Alex stopped spending his weekends looking for Philip, he still updates a facebook to find Philip, and makes sure the time lapsed pictures showing Philip as now 17 are correct. They make him cry, But he presses on. He won't give up. 

\------------------------------—

Philip is 17 now. He has spent his time in Highschool being the star Goalie of the Lacrosse team, which has given him a scholarship to Columbia in New York for Lacrosse. He can't wait to graduate and finally leave this small po-dunk town. He's always hated living in South Carolina with Ms. Maryanne and soon he'll be free!  
"Earth to Philip! Hello?" His head snaps up to see Nina, his girlfriend snapping her fingers in his face, holding her sand which for lunch in the other hand "were you even listening to me?" He just laughs and wraps an arm around her waist smiling  
"No sorry.. I was thinking about Columbia.."  
"You think about College a lot for someone who has a smoking hot girlfriend like me?" She laughs and puts her sandwich down sliding onto his lap.  
"College is important to me, just like you." He smiles and kisses her  
"OKAY if yall done being fucking gross" Benny, his Bestfriend and head defender on the lacrosse team yelled throwing the pickle from his sandwich at them both  
"Let's talk about the graduation party!" Nina yells, but Philip rolls his eyes "baby girl we've talked about this? I have a 6am flight the day after graduation to go to New York.. I can't party"  
"Lip come on don't be a fucking party pooper, school can wait for once"  
Nina instantly realizes her mistake as Philips eyes flash anger and pushes her off storming away saying "don't fucking call me that" Benny just laughs as Nina stands up from the ground dusting herself off "you stupid bitch".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **: john and Alex didn't give up Philip we know this, this is what ms. Maryanne made him believe. 
> 
>  
> 
> I googled Lacrosse for this? I picked the two most important positions but if you know anything about Lacrosse and think that there are more important positions let me know. 
> 
> I chose South Carolina because I know they have those little po-dunk towns where everyone knows everyone and only knows everyone. If you live in one of these towns or in South Carolina and I've offended you: sorry 
> 
> Alex went to Columbia in my mind and Philip in my mind subconsciously picked it because he rememebers Alex's Columbia merch. 
> 
> Benny and Nina are based off of In The Heights characters.
> 
> Philip gets triggered by people calling him lip, because now ms. Maryanne has made him think john and Alex didn't want him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Graduating; moving; who is this?;who am I?

Chapter 8 

Graduation was done and through quickly, the graduating class was only 200 kids; Philip was of course valedictorian. His speech was the basic "i loved you all I'll never forget any of you" because let's be honest- Philip is ready to be out of South Carolina and in a dorm somewhere in New York and far away from this town. After graduation and pictures with his friends, he went home to sleep. 

 

The next morning he and ms. Maryanne were driving to the airport quietly  
"So.... I have a surprise for you!" She says looking over at Philip from the drivers seat  
"And what is that?"  
"Welllllllll..... I know a few people in New York, and when you get to Columbia there's gonna be a car for you!!!" She squeals happily shaking his knee.  
"A car? You didn't have to do that.." Philip just sighs  
"Come on Philip don't do the moody teen thing.. that's not how good boys act! Just say thank you" she says a little forcefully, shoving the keys into Philips hands. He just smiles softly  
"Thank you ms. Maryanne.. what kinda car is it?" He asks looking at the key smiling  
"A jeep I hope it's okay... you'll call me when you get to New York right?" She puts the car in park next to the departing gate climbing out and grabbing his bag out of the trunk. He just laughs and grabs the bag from her, he's towering at 6"2' now, he just hugs her tightly "of course I'll call once I get settled. Thank you- for everything"  
Ms. Maryanne just wipes her eyes and smiles as the only son she's ever had walks into the gate to go to college. 

\----------------- 

2 hours later, Philip steps out of Laguardia airport into the sticky New York summer air. The first person he texts is Benny, telling him he landed. He decided to text ms. Maryanne later, he just wanted to get to the college. about an hour after landing, two wrong subway rides, and an uber later he was standing on the steps of Columbia smiling. First stop was to register for his classes and practice, he had to wait to register in person because Columbia's online registrar kept kicking him off. 

Here he was, waiting for the registrar to call him. His hair was long enough on the top to pull into a poof of hair on top of his head, but ms. Maryanne insisted the sides stay shaved. Whatever, he thought he was cute. He tugged on the threat of his jacket sleeve then switched to pulling a thread from the hole in the knee of his jean. He stopped himself, Ms. Maryanne would be so mad if she knew he was pulling apart his clothes; Philip decided instead to look around at the other people in the room. Though the windows philip locked eyes with a dark complected girl who's hair was long, down past her waist in thick braids, random colors at the ends. She's thin and tall, her septum is pierced and she's smiling brightly in his direction. Once she locks eyes with him there's instantly fear in her eyes, and something else? Shock? Or pain? Philip can't tell. She turns back to her friends and waves them off walking into the registrars office still staring at Philip her eyes wide. She goes behind the counter looking at some papers quietly, she looks hurt now, wiping her eyes quietly flicking through some file. Philip looks down at his hands he can't help feeling like he did something wrong. 

"P-Philip Gallagher?" The girl says shakily. He stands and heads over to the counter and leans on it "that's me.." he says flashing his million dollar smile. She just sighs softly and rubs her temples  
"So they can't register you because your Social security number is wrong? There's no one registered to that number, nor with your name.."  
"Well that's my name and social security number?"  
"Is there any other names you've gone by? First or last?"  
"Uh... when I was a kid I had different parents.. I had a crazy hyphened last name? The first last name was Laurens.. I don't remember the second" he just shrugs at the memory. But the girl behind the desk is looking at him like he has 5 heads. Without saying anything she stands up and pulls him into the offices behind the desk that kids talked to registrars privately in. She keeps looking back at him like a psychopath and he's starting to feel his anxiety bubble in his chest, is he about to be murdered? No he's being pulled into an office? The girl pushes him down into a chair in front of a desk, the woman at the desk is darker complected, but not as dark as the younger girl. Her hair is kinky and long down her back. Something about her is so familiar to Philip? He can't put a finger on it..  
"Tell her your name." The younger girl, who's name tag reads Thea, instructs him. He looks at the older woman who is staring at him with that same fear? Or shock maybe? 

"P-Philip Gallagher? Columbias new Lacrosse Goalie?"  
"No you stupid fuck! Your old name!"  
"Philip Laurens?"  
The older woman is instantly across the desk inspecting every aspect of his face and his hands and anything she can get her hands on, he was kind of uncomfortable? But the familiarity of this woman comforted him? He's confused?  
Finally, with tears in her eyes she spoke "Thea call the police, and call your dad to tell Alex. He won't answer his phone at work"  
"Uh... what's going on?" Philip asks, the older woman pushes Thea out and she sits in the chair next to him and puts a hand on his knee 

"Philip.. where have you been?" He looks at her like she's crazy. What does this woman think happened to me? Why is she familiar?  
"Ma'am I don't think that's your business? I'm from South Carolina"  
"Philip once the police get here we'll talk.."  
"Why are the police coming?"  
"Philip.. I can't explain right now."  
He stands up backing away from her, anxiety ringing in his ears he can barely hear her. He's never done anything wrong why are the cops coming?!  
"WHY ARE THE POLICE COMING?!" He's yelling now, he doesn't know why.. he was never good at that inside voice thing.  
"BECAUSE YOU WERE KIDNAPPED WHEN YOU WERE SIX" the woman blurts out, then smacks her hands to her mouth. Philip is instantly dizzy, he? Was Kidnapped? That doesn't make sense.. he leans against the wall and slides down so his knees are to his chest "I-I wasn't Kidnapped.. my d-dads gave me up, because I was too much to ha-handle.. so t-they sent me t-to ms. Maryanne to be a-a good boy.." he looked up to the woman again with tears in his eyes.. she just sat next to him quietly and wrapped an arm around his shoulders "Philip.. your name is Philip James Laurens-Hamilton.. I'm your aunt, Angelica. Aunt Aggie? You couldn't say Angie when you were six. you were at the park with your dad and Papi in October, you loved dirt and rocks and reptiles and your dad was on the phone, and your Papi dropped your rock collection, so he was picking them up because you would've been so mad that he dropped them" she pauses to laugh at the memory, and he does too, remembering piling rocks into a pencil box. When she's done laughing she wipes her tears softly, he can tell they're sad tears. "So your Papi was picking up your rocks and when he stood up you were gone.. and Philip we looked.. we looked so much. Every weekend your dads would search, here, New Jersey, Pennsylvania. It's just.. whoever took you moved too fast, they were too ready. No one seen you get taken and the few people who were there that day gave the police any good information. Some people said you were pulled in a green sedan, but others said it was a cream minivan." Philip is just staring at her now, has his whole life been a lie? Who the fuck was he? The only parental figure he's ever had actually kidnapped him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -ms. Maryanne got the car for him in New York because she's from New York, and the man who kidnapped Philip (her husband, I don't explicitly say it but he is) still lives in NY and sets the whole thing up 
> 
> I imagine Thea as Zoë Kravitz with her hair in braids. 
> 
> And the dudes/ladies from SVU swill be back in the next chapter hah. 
> 
>  
> 
> Thea is obviously Theodosia, Angelica is Angelica.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shakira; the precinct; reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really tried with the grammar. I still don't care but I tried? And trying probably just made it worse whoops. I really wanted this to be a good chapter so I took a little more time, but I don't know how I feel. Let me know what you think?

Chapter 9 

Alex is sitting at his desk in front of him iMac editing an article for The Journal's next circular humming along to a Shakira song coming through spotify on the desktop when someone knocks on his office door. He grumbles and pauses the song from his desktop "Come in!".   
Burr walks in and closes the door curtly behind him then turns to Alex.   
"Well if it isn't Aaron burr, sir! How can I help you today?" Alex asks propping his head on his hand leaning on his desk smiling. At first burr doesn't say anything he is just staring past Alex with a glint of something in his eye that Alex can't identify, he sits up questioningly "what is it burr?"   
Aaron takes in a deep breathe and makes eye contact for the first time since he walked in "they found him, Alexander."   
"Found who?"   
"Philip."   
Alex instantly shoots up and around his desk, his hands on burrs shoulders "who found him? what do you mean? I-is he...?" Alex has tears in his eyes, thick fat tears he hasn't let fall since the day Philip went missing.   
"He's alive Alexander. He was registering for classes at Columbia while Angelica was at work"   
Instantly the tears that were threatening to spill are pouring down his face; he hugs burr tightly sobbing into his shoulder. Burr just pats his back and hugs him back "let's go see your son, huh?" Burr smiles and pulls him out of the office 

\-------------------—

Alex texted Nina on the ride over to the NYPD station that she'd need to stay with john a little longer, She agreed. Alex hadn't told john yet, or Nina. He couldn't risk this person not being Philip, they'd had false alerts before of other Puerto Rican boys who had been found through the years And each time it wasn't Philip. Alex couldn't deal with breaking his heart all over again and john couldn't take another heart break. 

Alex runs into the precinct and slams his hands on the front desk "where's my son!?". Before the stunned desk clerk can answer Detective Benson walks out; much hasn't changed from her in eleven years, but her hair is streaked with grey now. "well well well... mr. Laurens-Hamilton, glad to see not much has changed in the decade..." she smiles softly, her eyes sparking. He steps up to her, the tears instantly threatening to spill again. "detective.. is it really him this time?.." she smiles and rests a hand on his shoulder  
"We took a DNA swab to check against the database that should be back in ten minutes or so, but the age progression pictures, age, and details all match up.. im gonna call it, your son is home.." she says happily, Alex can't help but pull her into a tight hug crying again.   
"Ca-can I see him?" Benson just smiles and leads him to the back of the precinct. "He's in my office." She brings him to an office in the corner of the building, it's all windows but black blinds are pulled down covering the windows. She unlocks the door and leads him in

Angelica and an older boy are sitting there chatting; Angelica looks up and smiles at Alex. For Alex, everything is underwater; he can't hear what anyone is saying and he can barely see through his tears. When the younger male finally looks up, he sees him, Truly sees him. His eyes are still shiny malachite, like two gemstones, his hair, even though its shaved around the sides, the curls that rest on the top of his head are kinky and woven into one another, just like he remembers. He sees the clear freckles doting his nose and cheeks, the ones Alex would count while he slept in between him and john. it's crazy how much he looks like John without ever sharing any DNA with him. For the first time in his life Alex is speechless. He wipes the tears out of his own eyes then reaches out to touch him, if he just touches him he'll know he's real. The second Alex's fingers make contact with Philips shoulder he breaks down to the ground sobbing, Philip follows him to the ground half catching him half wrapping his arms around him comfortingly, letting him cry onto his shoulder. "Dad it's okay.. it's okay.. I missed you.." Philip says still hugging his father. Alex sits up, realizing he somehow ended up on the floor, wiping his face "L-Lip.. I.. I never thought I'd see you again.." he's smiling so brightly, still wiping his face "we never stopped looking for you.. we never did. We s-still update a facebook to find you.. I ju-" Philip cuts him off by hugging him tightly again. Angelica joins them on the floor and hugs them both, then turns to Alex "what about john?"   
"Nina stayed with him longer so I could come see if it was really Philip.."   
Philip interjected "who's john? And Nina? And what do you mean if it's really me?" Alex and Angelica look at each other, then back to Philip. Alex spoke up first "john is your Papi mijo... he has a nurse who comes to take care of him, Nina. He- he can't do anything for himself..? and there was one or two times the police called us, and said they found you, but it was just OTHER missing Puerto Rican boys..." 

"I'm Puerto Rican? Ms. Maryanne always said I was half black" Philip looked off into the distance remembering ms. Maryanne, wondering if she was going to be arrested. That would be cool.   
"That was her? Ms. Maryanne? She's w-who? Took you?" He could sense the anger building in Alex. Philip rested a hand on Alex's knee "dad.. relax. No, it's.. it's hard to explain. Her husband took me for her? It's all hazy, they told me i was dropped off by you guys because you didn't want me, but I remember her husband taking me."   
"Didn't want you!? DIDN'T WANT YOU?! Oh sweet fuck i can't believe they would tell you that! We had to go to court and fight to have you and we wanted you god damn it i-" he stops himself from rambling on anymore, wiping his face with his jacket sleeve.  
"D-did they..? H-hurt you? Are you okay..?" Philip just laughs softly. "Nah.. they never hurt me, an occasional smack or paddle for being bad as a kid.. but I lead a good life, friends, girlfriends, I was the Lacrosse captain senior year, and have a scholarship to Columbia for lacrosse now." Alex just smiles brightly and hugs his son again.. HIS son. He's home, he's safe. Angelica clears her throat softly, "Alex.. maybe we should take him to see john.." Alex nods his head and looks at Philip "only if you want.. but you need to understand, john-..john is?" He sighs "when you went missing, it.. it killed john. You were his life, everything he did was for you. He helped us look, but after about 4 years he.. he became depressed, honestly. he's mute, he's catatonic. He doesn't talk to us. He has the nurse, Nina, who takes care of him while I work, and he occasionally talks to her, but.. maybe you being back will help him? We.. we really don't know" Alex finishes with fresh tears rolling down his cheek, not the same happy tears he's had, but the sadness is radiating off of him. Philip is the first to stand "well let's go, I've waited 11 years for this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me things/anonymously yell at me:   
> 365daysofvictoria.tumblr.com 
> 
> Twitter: @365daysofvic


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reunion

10 

The drive to Alex and Johns house was like a moment in time Philip forgot; Everything was so familiar. Philip took the backseat while Alex drove and Angie sat in the passengers seat. He could clearly remember doing this before, when he still lived with his real parents. Suddenly the car was in park and Alex was looking back at him  
"you ready?" 

\------------------------— 

Not much in the house had changed since Philip had last been here. The same kitchen he specifically remembers Sunday breakfasts in, sitting on the counter in front of John. The same living room he remembers playing Legos and barbies in, this memory makes him laugh; ms. Maryanne would not be okay knowing he played barbies with his gay fathers. Is that why she took him? He picks up a picture frame from the bookshelf quietly. It was a selfie, of Alex and Philip who was holding pokey and who he could only guess was john, all sitting in a park. Philip could feel his eyes burning with tears, everything he's ever known was a lie. He really wishes he could pull pokey out of his bag now and just go to sleep. Before he could get any more lost in his thoughts he hears a gasp at the stairs, he looks up and sees a young Hispanic woman in blue scrub pants and a Cookie Monster scrub top at the foot of the stairs. He guesses this is Nina. Alex shoots up from his seat at the kitchen island "Nina, how's john today?" The nurse pulls her eyes from Philip to turn to Alex "he- he's talkative today. Is that?-" she points to Philip who is awkwardly kicking the carpet up into different positions, Alex nods "I wanted to see how john was feeling before I brought him up.."  
"He's good today. Maybe he senses him or something because like I said.. pretty talkative." Alex turns to Philip.  
"are you ready?"

\----------------— 

Alex walks in first, Philip just standing in the doorframe quietly. John is laying in bed, his hair is braided back and out of his face for once. He's just in grey sweatpants and a blue V-neck watching Keeping Up with The Kardashians quietly, his eyes don't waiver from the tv. Alex sits on the edge of the bed next to him and rests a hand on his knee. "Hey baby.." John sits up a little and lets out a quiet "hey..."  
"I've got someone here to see you.. is that okay?" John just nods to this his eyes back on the tv, not really paying attention but not really caring who came to see him. Philip steps in quietly standing next to Alex now. 

"H-hey Papi.." 

John instantly shoots up sitting straight up looking from Alex to Philip and back to Alex. Alex just nods softly smiling, his eyes getting glassy. John stands up and pulls Philip into a bear hug, tears falling down his cheeks silently. John is a solid 5 inches taller than Philip, it's really a great sight. Philip just hugs back, and for the first time today, he cries. He never knew what he was missing from this family, but he remembers they didn't want to get rid of him, he remembers the care, and how gentle john was, he just cries into johns shoulder. 

Alex is instantly rubbing his back as john pulls him away and cradles Philip's face in his hands, "mijo, why are you crying?" John asks wiping a tear from Philips cheek with his thumb. Philip just shrugs leaning his face into John's hands. "I-I don't know.. I spent so long thinking y-you guys didn't want me.. t-that she was the only person who loved me. But here I am? With the parents I always dreamed of? Who actually loved me.." he sniffs and wipes his face with his jacket sleeve. "I don't know it's stupid.." he smiles as he's pulled into another hug again by John and Alex. 

\--------------------

All three of them are sitting on the kingsize bed in john and Alex's room, alex is laying back propped with a pillow, john is leaning on the headboard and Philip is crisscross applesauce at the foot of the bed. Alex is the first to speak up. "Why don't you tell us about you?" John just nods along and Philip shrugs. "There's not much to tell? I skipped the second grade. So I'm 17. In middle school ms. Maryanne said I needed to start a sport and the only team recruiting was the cities Lacrosse team, So I started Lacrosse. In Highschool i was the Lacrosse captain and goalie, and I graduated as valedictorian. Which wasn't that hard in a class of 200. And now I'm here, on a scholarship to Columbia." He finishes with a nod, thinking about Benny and all of his friends back home.. Would they even miss him?  
"So you had a good life? Were you happy?" John asked wringing the blankets in his hands. Philip just shrugged looking down as he pulled the threads of the whole in his jeans  
"It was okay.. i- i don't know.. when you think your parents gave you up because you were a shitty kid you spend a lot of time hating yourself" john just pulls him into a hug again, soon Alex joins, and they all just sit holding each other for what seems like forever..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A comment on Johns height: i imagine him taller than Alex, like tall tall. Because I like tall dudes. I'm well aware Anthony Ramos is like 5'8. In my head he's 6'4 whatever. 
> 
>  
> 
> Also- this fic is coming to an end. I don't have much else to say, but I already have another fic idea lined up; so fret not!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friend reunion; championship game!

Chapter 11 

The year after Philip came home were some of the best months of anyone's life. The three fell into a quality pattern, Philip would go to class, meet up with his girlfriend, Thea, go to practice, come back home where john would be making dinner, Philip would help him finish, Alex would come home and they would eat, occasionally Thea would join, then usually they'd finish the night watching a movie or tv or if it was a nice night john and Philip would practice Lacrosse as Alex watched from the patio smiling. These were Alex's favorite nights, his two boys playing like they always should have. 

Alex, John and Thea never missed a game, they were the Unofficial cheerleaders of the Columbia Lions Lacrosse team. And damn was that a good team, they hadn't lost a game all season and Philip was part of the reason. He was the best goalie the lions have had this century, single handedly carried the team to the playoffs if you ask Alex or John. For the championship game Benny and Sonny flew in to watch the game, the two people he kept in contact with from South Carolina. The night before the big game the three of them all went out to celebrate.   
"So are you nervous at all?" Benny asked as the three of them squished into a booth at a chilis   
"Nah I'm pretty mellow about it for some reason? I'm usually not this calm.." Philip says shrugging   
"Dude don't let them fuck with you- stay strong, keep your eye on the ball" sonny says angrily, the game is against the Princeton Tigers, which just happens to be who knocked sonny and Benny's team from the running for the playoffs. Philip just laughs and smacks sonnys back "don't be bitter about losing! Whoever wins tomorrow earned it.." 

\------------------------—

A few hours later the three are walking down the block towards Philips home when suddenly Philip is pushed from behind "yo what the fuck!?" He regains his balance and turns shoving the male in front of him back "who the fuck are you!?" Suddenly the darker complected man is pulling Philip close by the shirt talking in his face "listen here Hamilton, if I see your fucking face on the field tomorrow, you're dead.. understand me?" Philip shoves him off realizing he's Princetons lead defender, George Eaker. "Fuck off George if the only way for your team to possibly win is through threats then you'll lose with or with out me."   
"You've been warned." 

\--------------------—

The next day around 3:30 Philip comes downstairs in his pads and uniform with his helmet and stick in hand, john and Alex are leaning on the kitchen counter, johns arm around Alex's waist. They're both in blue shirts with the lion logo, and the back says "Laurens-Hamilton" and a #7, which was Philips jersey number. "Well good morning.." john says before Alex grumbles "more like good afternoon" Philip just laughs and walks into the kitchen digging in the fridge "morning dad, morning Papi" John just smiles and turns to face him in the fridge "Lip, we just wanted you to know no matter what happens today, we love you and we're so proud of you"  
"Win or lose you're our little Lacrosse champ" Alex adds smiling. "Thanks you guys.." he says as there's a knock on the door. Before any of the three move to open it Peggy swings it open followed by Eliza, Angelica, herc, laf, Thea, sonny and finally Benny. All of them were in matching T shirts like Alex and John, but of course laf took it to the next level with one half of his face navy blue and the other side baby blue. After lots of hugs and questions the very last person Philip greeted was his girlfriend, Thea. Her braids were pulled back into one large French braid and the back of her shirt read "goalies girlfriend" and a sparkly #7 on hers. "Wow.. goalies girlfriend.. that's a little presumptuous of you" Philip laughs then pulls Thea into a deep kiss. She pulled away laughing as she wrapped her arms around his neck "well, if my shirt is presumptuous, that kiss was even worse" before they could be any more couple-y Peggy stepped in between them and coughed loudly "if we don't leave now we're gonna miss the game!" Quickly everyone scattered out and into their respective cars heading on their way to the school. 

\---------------------—

5 minutes into the second quarter of the game, Philip was taken off Goalie and put in as head defender. Their defender Ben Talmadge hurt his knee in the first quarter and was out, and the second best had always been Philip. 

The third quarter began and Columbia was winning 3 to 1. This game was a sure win for Columbia. After a faceoff there was a loose ground ball both Philip and Princeton's defender, Eaker, were going for. In a flash before anyone could have stopped him instead of going for the ball eaker swung and landed a blow in the direct center of his chest, three people tackled Philip at the same time and when they got up, Philip didn't.   
From the bleachers John and Alex are watching "A-Alex he isn't getting up. He isn't getting up!!" John screams, instantly both of them are scrambling up and off of the bleachers and onto the field, by time they get down Philip is being loaded onto a stretcher with EMTs dancing around him saying things. They pulled his jersey and pads off and are connecting sticky pads all over, they pull him into the ambulance and John and Alex climb in behind them. Everyone else climbs into their respective cars. 

\--------------------—

Once at the hospital everyone is sitting in the waiting room. John and Alex are holding each other tightly, Angelica is sitting with herc and laf while Eliza, Peggy, Benny and sonny are in the Cafeteria. 

After half an hour of just sitting there a doctor comes out and John and Alex stand, the doctor looks sullen. "So.. this is a common issue with lacrosse players.. it's called Commotio cordis it jumpstarts the heart, causing it to lock into cardiac arrest, the way he was hit, his rib fractured and punctured a lung. There's still a chance for him to go back into cardiac arrest so we may want to put a temporary catheter in, but it's still very hazy. He's awake If you'd like to come see him" 

When Philip opens his eyes Alex and john are sitting next to his bed, john is holding his hand. "Hey mijo... how are you feeling?" John asks quietly, rubbing the top of Philips hand with his thumb. Philip shrugs softly and smiles "like I took a lacrosse stick to the chest" john and Alex just laugh.   
"How did the rest of the game go though? Did we win?" Philip asks softly.   
"I think you won 4-2.. that's what Benny told us.." Alex says pushing Philips hair out of his face softly "that's good.. I love you guys.." Philip says adjusting the oxygen tubes in his nose   
"Baby we love you too.." john says softly. Suddenly machines are beeping and Philip is clutching his chest tightly "Lip..? Philip?!" Alex is screaming his name and clutching onto him as doctors are running in trying to push them out of the room. Two bigger nurses come pulling them out "THATS MY SON- THATS MY FUCKING SON LET ME GO" John is screaming fighting against the nurses but it's no use...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone say THANK YOU TO KAITLYN for the ending! She approved it.


	12. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry?

Epilogue- 

Philips funeral was on a cold October day, October 8th to be exact. He was buried in the trinity church cemetery; he was 19 years old.. it seemed like everyone from Columba showed up for the wake, team members, classmates, even professors and team members from other college lacrosse teams who Philip just made an impact on. There weren't even enough seats set up, most people had to stand in the church. John and Alex sat in the front row holding each other tightly. They had their son back for a whole year, and just like that he was gone again. But John and Alex will not weep. When the priest asked if anyone would like to say a few words, John stood and walked up to the podium. 

"These kinds of days were Philip's favorite.. the gloomier, colder days. When we had him as a child, he'd beg to go to the park, and when he came back as a teenager, these were the best days to practice lacrosse to him, he wouldn't get tanner and the sun wouldn't get in his eyes when he tried to pass. 

As some of you may know, Philip was missing, for about 10 years. And while he was missing, I wept. I wouldn't get out of bed. I couldn't imagine a life knowing my son was gone. But he came back to me, and in the eleven months he's been back, he made me a better person. He taught me so much. 

One night, while my husband was at work late; me and Philip were talking.. he asked me why I spent all these years sad, and in bed. And I explained because the only piece of me that mattered was gone. And he told me "Papi, i was never gone, i was in your heart, and you were in my heart, and I'll stay there. Even when you're long gone, or I'm long gone. You'll always be my dad, and you'll always love me and I'll always love you. You can't do that again, I want you to go out and live! Do cool shit yenno" he let out a small laugh at the impression of his son. "So I won't weep today, I won't cry. Maybe someday I'll miss him and I'll let a tear slip, but I know he'll always be here. In my heart." Everyone in the church was crying, professors, teammates everyone. John just stepped down and wrapped Alex in a tight hug as Philips casket was lowered silently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the entirety of this story is based off of things that have happened in my community and the news lately: a girl was kidnapped as a baby and found at 17 living with a woman who said she adopted her, but found out she was stolen; a boy was kidnapped and just told he was a child of the family and when he went to register for classes for college someone reported him because his SSN wasn't right and they found out he'd been kidnapped; and finally- lacrosse. There have been a few stories I've seen of kids dying from playing lacrosse, and other sports. What happens is literally called " Commotio cordis" and it basically is a blow to your chest from a ball/equipment that causes you to go into cardiac arrest and there isn't a great survival rate when it happens. 
> 
>  
> 
> I may do some oneshots along with this, because I've fallen in love with the story I made, and there's some background info I could squeeze in a oneshot; baby Philip, Thea and Philips love blossoming. 
> 
> Again: everyone THANK Kaitlyn for this ending.
> 
> Also: I do have another FIC coming: it's LAMS college AU because I'm trash, but Alex is deaf and john is an interpreting major and it goes over some major problems within the deaf community/going to school/relationships between hearing and deaf students. I think it'll be pretty cool but I'm an interpreting major and these things really interest me.


End file.
